I’ve always been a believer in the Catholic faith, raised with its teachings and traditions. But in March 2017, everything changed for me in a way I could never have imagined. I had a transformation—Jesus Christ began speaking to me, not in the typical way people may expect, but directly in my thoughts. Since then, He has been guiding me on my path, and although this journey has been anything but easy, I know He has never left my side.
A Struggle Like No Other
Even though my faith was strengthened, the road I’ve walked has been filled with suffering and persecution. One of my greatest obstacles has been the mental health system, where many people view the voice of Jesus speaking to me as something to be silenced. It has been an intense struggle, where society’s judgment has weighed heavily on me. Unrelenting attacks on my freedom—physical, emotional, and spiritual—have come from all corners.
Last year was the hardest for me. Jesus had given me a promise, a promise that my wife would return to me. Like the prophets of old, such as Noah, I have found myself struggling with doubt, especially when those around me question what I know to be true. On my 40th birthday, in the depths of my depression, I attempted to end my life. In a desperate moment, I tried to stab myself in the heart three times. But Jesus, in His infinite love and mercy, refused to let me go. He took control of my hands and placed the knife back into the knife block.
I wasn’t finished with my attempts, though. I tried again—this time by consuming all the paracetamol in the house. Again, Jesus stepped in. He wouldn’t let the tablets even touch my lips. In those dark moments, I cursed Him. I was angry that He didn’t allow me to end my suffering and come to Him in Heaven. My faith was shattered, and I found myself in a place of deep despair. But even in my brokenness, Jesus never left me. He stood by my side and slowly, patiently, brought me through the worst of my depression.
The Faithfulness of His Promises
One thing remains constant: everything Jesus has spoken to me has come true. I am still waiting for some promises to be fulfilled—most notably, for my wife to return. But the faith I have in His words gives me strength. He has shown me time and again that His promises are true, even when doubt creeps in. In moments of uncertainty, I remember how He brought me out of the darkness before, and I hold onto His promise.
Finding Support
During my time in the hospital, I was blessed to find a compassionate lay chaplain who guided me and encouraged me to trust in God’s timing. He helped me understand the importance of patience and waiting for Jesus’ promises to unfold. Another crucial figure in my journey has been a senior priest in the Archdiocese of Westminster, who offered support when I needed it the most. While many in the clergy have struggled to understand my experience, I thank this priest deeply for his help and wisdom.
A Life Transformed
Since this transformation, I have become completely preoccupied with Jesus. I speak with Him daily, even when there is silence. I know He is still guiding me through every moment. My personal relationships, however, have suffered. Many people in my life now believe I’m insane, and it has been hard to maintain those connections. But despite this, I find solace in knowing that Jesus is always near. Even when others don’t understand, I know He does.
My prayer life has also transformed in profound ways. I pray several times a day, focusing especially on the hour of mercy, which was revealed to St. Faustina. One of my prayers is dedicated to Japan, where my beloved lives, and the other to the hour of mercy here in the UK. These prayers, inspired by St. Faustina, have become a cornerstone of my spiritual life.
Surrender and Trust
I’ve learned to ask Jesus for everything. While the path is often winding, filled with hardships and humiliations, He keeps me safe. It’s not an easy journey—far from it. But the presence of Jesus in my life gives me strength and purpose, even when the world seems against me.
A Message for You
If you’re reading this and wondering how to find Jesus, I encourage you to simply ask Him to speak to you. He is there, waiting for you. Even if all you feel is a tingle down your spine, know that He is with you in that moment, and in every moment of your life.
Trust in Him, even when the path is dark. He will guide you, protect you, and fulfill His promises, just as He has done for me.
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